A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
