broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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