I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my poor anus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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