When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
