Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
