Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
