Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize