Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
