That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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