Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
