see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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