I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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