; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
