This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
