you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
