Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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