i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
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is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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