Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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