I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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