Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
