Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
