i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found puke in my bra..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
