I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
