I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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