highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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