I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
