Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize