Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need moral support for this bender
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
