Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
