I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
