True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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