got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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