He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
