Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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