thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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