I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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