I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
