I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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