My underwear smells like fireworks.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
