I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
