I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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