..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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