You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
