look no pants
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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