please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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