I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize