I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
