Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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