ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
