I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
