batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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