i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
