my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
