My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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