If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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