woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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