At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
