At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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