What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
