and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
