I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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