dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
