they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
