and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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