I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
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As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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